Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Erich Ritter – new spectacular eco-behavioral Insights!

I just love this pic!

Here’s Ritter on Swiss national television!
Otto C. Honegger is one of Switzerland’s most respected producers and documentary filmmakers and as it happens, an old dive buddy of mine

SF Spezial Fernweh vom 27.08.2010

Am I correct in assuming that you may be somewhat befuddled?
Worry not – I speak that stuff and can enlighten you about the long-awaited ultimate explanation of the ominous
attackaccident and above all, the spectacular deciphering of completely novel and hitherto completely (and I may add: criminally negligently) overlooked Shark behavior!

And lemme say this: once again, the visionary man who has singlehandedly devised the experiments that have erased many of the old theories of why Sharks attack, and proposed new ideas, proves that he remains at the very top of the crop!

Not that I'm surprised.
Coming from a world famous Shark researcher (weltberühmter Haiforscher), extremely popular fundraiser, the only professional applied shark-human interaction specialist and holder of a Ph.D. from Zurich University in “Behavioral Ecology”, investigator and Shark Behaviorist of the Global Shark Attack Incident File, Philantropist, Senior Scientist at the Green Marine Institute a leading marine conservation org,, Adjunct Assistant Professor at Hofstra University and possibly, even Shark shaman (!), this is obviously as good as it gets – and screw the blinded, cowardly, hateful and ignorant detractors !
Who’s that guy anyway?

First things first: a big Bravo! for re-broadcasting the fateful scene as, really, it cannot be seen often enough!
This feat alone will undoubtedly turn all Swiss school children into Shark protectors as, like a great thinker once said, you don't protect what you fear!

The accident (see, I’m learning!) was first described by Marie Levine and then, after rigorous analysis, by the great master himself.
Further meticulous and groundbreaking eco-behavioral research (immer schoen nach dem Motto: Wat kümmert mich ming Jeschwätz von jestern?) has led Ritter to the following ultimate analysis of events.

Oeppis isch total falschgloffe…
Mir haend natuerli e Situation usegfordered, saegemermal, fuer’s Ferseh, damit’s ae chli spektakulaer usgseht ond ich ha gwuesst, wo da die heikle Ecke sind a dem Projaekt..…ond natuerli e Person aagstellt…. ond leider haett die Person ebe noed uufpasst ond de job noed gmacht ond es isch zum Unfall cho.

Something went totally wrong.
Of course, in order to make it look a little (more) spectacular for the TV channel, we had created a challenging situation but I knew which were the problematic aspects… and of course, I had hired a person… and unfortunately, that person did not watch out and did not do the job, and (thus) the accident happened.

Not surprised – the more as the spotter has already been exposed as a total liar!

But now comes the spectacular revelation!

De erschti Biss isch au noed e so tragisch gsi – aber daenn isch das Tier noed wegcho ond Haie versuechet natuerli immer zerscht “ich muess weg ich muess weg” ond das isch noed gange, also haett es versuecht, dur mis Bei durezbisse.

The first bite was not so tragic – but then the animal could not get away and Sharks obviously always try “gotta get away gotta get away”, and that didn’t work, so it tried to bite itself through my leg.

What a stroke of pure eco-behavioral genius!
It had always been so obvious – but it took a true master of his craft to finally think outside of the petty confines of the oceanic box and to make the totally logical connection to the terrestrial predators: when constrained, like any self respecting trapped Coyote, Sharks will gnaw their way to freedom!
How could everybody else have been so blind!

And if they know how to gnaw their way out… cage diving operators: you have been warned!

Just in case...
Sarcasm from the ancient Greek σαρκάζω (sarkazo) meaning 'to tear flesh' (=Sharkasm?):
A mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual

Otto – saeg nume, Du bisch dem uuf de Lim gangge????

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Funny and completely true.

Hey, Super-Genius Erich Ritter, they're playing your song:-

And Pascal Gospodinov, High Priest of Ritter Cult, try listening to this:-

- except you should replace 'Stupid Cupid' with 'Stupid Groupie'.